I've been single for 14 months. I have not had sex in any of those months. Not even the tiniest bit of willy. Is that too much to confess on a blog? Does anyone actually admit to it being that long without nookie? It seems I am the only one. Except my ex. It has been the same amount of time for him. He's not even snogged anyone after me! But then, that isn't much to brag about. He is a prick, afterall, and quite unattractive by anyone's standards. And he is not publishing his celebacy.

I have pulled several young men in the last year or so. But I've never invited them back to mine or kissed them more than once. I have my reasons... my breakup with the ex (we'll call him Sexless - even he didn't succumb to my charms all that often when we were a couple!) it left me really devastated. I dieted like mad, I obsessed over him and thought we'd actually get back together. When it became painfully clear that wouldn't happen - and thank god it didn't! - I packed my bags and went off for a month in france. I flew to Paris on my own and spent 3 weeks backpacking and camping solo. I sorted my head out. Then a friend flew out to the south and met me, and we had banter in the south of france, getting tanned and hanging out with boys on beaches. But no sex.

Then a month in Edinburgh at the Fringe with a bunch of friends. Amazing month. No sex. In September I worked as a waitress in a restaurant in Chester. I lived with my brother, his wife, my sister and their other housemate. It was nice. Not even a sex-dream.

Then in October, my world came crashing down around me. My beloved step-mum of 8 years, Liz, was diagnosed with Cancer. Again. This time, it was terminal and would be a matter of weeks. Fortunately I live nearby and could spend precious time with Liz and my dad as she got sicker. The whole thing is a painful blur, one that I am still coming to terms with. So obviously, my priorities changed considerably and men have not been all that important.

Nevertheless, there were so many times during that horrible period when I wanted the support of a partner, my siblings all had that but once again, I am the single one. Maybe that is too selfish of me. I think it is. But I also believe it is natural.

Now however the mist is starting to clear... at least in the sense that life is more normal again. I go out every week, get involved with plays, I even have a job now and manage to get my uni work done in time. But there is something deep inside that is really not letting me be! I want to be in love with someone!

I want to have butterflies and nervousness and shagging. But it just isn't coming my way. I kiss and run away... I don't want to meet a boyfriend in a club because it seems so shallow - I hate kissing someone that I have no idea about - he could be anyone. But, I always do kiss in clubs and then freak out and run away. Or, they run away. Boys that kiss in clubs are not looking for girlfriends. Why do this to myself?

The answer is, as much as I hate to admit it (even worse than admitting how long i've been celibate for!) I like the bad boys, the unattainables... the ones that I fantasise about converting. I want to make a bachelor fall for me... even though he won't fall for the others! But this doesn't happen. Just wasted dreams.

So, what are my options? Internet dating? I'm only 21... it seems a bit drastic at this stage. No one else my age at uni has to resort to singles clubs. I could just shag around and hope that one guy wants to stick it out with me. I could work on my self esteem - sorry, that is what a magazine would say! It's bollocks. Lots of girls with low self esteem get boyfriends.

So the answer, right now for me: get thin and tanned.